OK in the name of total honesty I saw a similar post years and years ago; I wish I could, but I can not take credit for the original idea. I also can not find that original post to save my life. (sorry) I had posted what I could remember, along with a healthy does of my own tweaks and additions, when I first ventured into the world of Facebook. Thus saving it so it could make a reappearance (with another round of edits) in the Dew Claw Blog. A little humor for your enjoyment. I invite all mushing addicts to add their own suggestions to the list.*
'Cause who wouldn't want this job?
- Burn a $100 bill—right now. Seriously.
Preferably while standing outside in the freezing cold. No freezing temps, then just burn the money and move on to step 2 - Visit your local butcher and pay to sit in the walk-in freezer for a couple of hours. Yes you have to pay for the privilege of being cold.
- Soak your gloves and begin storing them in your freezer. Don’t worry you can defrost them in your pants while working outside in the cold.
- Fasten a tight, wide-rubberband around the top half of your head every evening, leave it on for 10-12 hours a day.
- If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses.
- Slam your thumb in a car door. Do Not go see a doctor.
- Borrow 2 super excited, rambunctious 60 lb. sled dogs and get them into their harnesses. Ideally it will be sub zero outside, or you can do this in a walk in freezer.
- Now, find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice several times holding the above leaping, lunging, screaming, 60 lb. sled dogs by the back of those harnesses.
- Take a large amount, like 40 pounds, of meat and defrost it in your living room or kitchen every day.
- Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one of them away.
- Plan a romantic vacation that you know you can never take. Extra credit if you do this while working on something in a cold dark freezer with the rubberband on your head.
- Go to your local feed and gear store and just give them your credit card.
- Practice cutting 50 pound, frozen solid, blocks of meat into small candy bar sized uniform chunks. Might want to go ahead and invest in a dedicated Meat Saw for this little exercise.
- Eat only foods that can all be: Frozen solid AND cooked with just boiling water OR easily defrosted in your armpit.
- Have at least one conversation daily with each of your friends where you use the word poop.
- Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom. Do this in the walk in freezer if possible.
Dan demonstrating bare handed, disreguard for cold, 5 gallon bucket handling techniques.
- Do all your chores outside in the cold and dark. Acceptable chores include: carrying 2 full five gallon buckets of water, carrying 2 full five gallon buckets of poop, carrying 2 full five gallon buckets of cooked rice and fish. Spill anything and you must start over.
Repeat all of the above for a month, if your OK with it then you just might make it as a musher.
